My hip still hurts.
But I did my best in class today anyway.
Yes it was quite upsetting cause my legs were slightly numb at times, and were so weak I couldn't do the double pirouettes I've come to be so proud of being capable of executing, not to mention a whole host of other things.
My left leg is so weak I can't even hold it for 3 seconds in a la seconde. I hope it's nothing to do with my muscles shrinking, cause my right leg was fine even after one week's rest. I suspect it has more to do with my injured hip ligament.
And my left leg and hip still goes a little numb when I sit for too long.
How is it that after resting, my hip is getting worse than before?
Undoing all the damage from 13 August, possibly.
I hope.
Exam's in 2.5 weeks' time.
So tell me about pressure.
Strangely, I have none.
And no, it's not cause I'm oblivious or naive. I'm not too sure what it really is though.
I need a miracle.
Oh did I mention, there's no ballet class tomorrow?
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
The House Bunny.
Ok.
So I was looking for a feel-good chick-flick when I bought a ticket to The House Bunny, but it exceeded my expectations on account of the fact that it's not just a brainless bimbotic act.
Believe me if you will.
This movie actually has some depth.
And I guess it was extra special cause I watched it with Sam :)
Can't think of a time when we hung out without the rest of the lovelies.
So being beautiful is really about being yourself.
Not being 'real' as in angst, shock-factor, cover-up, horror-tactics and what have you not.
That's not being real. That's hiding.
You're afraid to show who you are. You're afriad that if you tried, you might fail. You're afraid of having to deal with rejection. So you hide. And blame it on whatever it is you're hiding behind.
Be courageous.
It's time to show your real self.
Not the fake, pretensious and condescending, but also not the tough, rough and demanding.
There's something so much more underneath all of that (and goodness knows what else we like to hide behind).
Be real.
Be courageous and bold.
Be confident.
Be beautiful.
So I was looking for a feel-good chick-flick when I bought a ticket to The House Bunny, but it exceeded my expectations on account of the fact that it's not just a brainless bimbotic act.
Believe me if you will.
This movie actually has some depth.
And I guess it was extra special cause I watched it with Sam :)
Can't think of a time when we hung out without the rest of the lovelies.
So being beautiful is really about being yourself.
Not being 'real' as in angst, shock-factor, cover-up, horror-tactics and what have you not.
That's not being real. That's hiding.
You're afraid to show who you are. You're afriad that if you tried, you might fail. You're afraid of having to deal with rejection. So you hide. And blame it on whatever it is you're hiding behind.
Be courageous.
It's time to show your real self.
Not the fake, pretensious and condescending, but also not the tough, rough and demanding.
There's something so much more underneath all of that (and goodness knows what else we like to hide behind).
Be real.
Be courageous and bold.
Be confident.
Be beautiful.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Great things.
Great things are small things attempted greatly for God.
There is greatness in the small things.
"For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God..."
2 Timothy 1:6
I want to do great things for God.
I want my life to count.
I want to build my house on the rocks.
I want treasure in heaven.
What about you?
Is your life going to make a difference from the perspective of eternity?
There is greatness in the small things.
"For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God..."
2 Timothy 1:6
I want to do great things for God.
I want my life to count.
I want to build my house on the rocks.
I want treasure in heaven.
What about you?
Is your life going to make a difference from the perspective of eternity?
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Treaure
Your wife could never make a bad knee heal,
make the rain stop,
stretch 2 hours into 4,
make a terrible boss nicer,
turn back time,
conjure up a million dollars,
or get someone to agree with you.
But she can offer you comfort, and her being there helps make you feel better about whatever horrible situation you're stuck in.
Someday, when our relationship with God has moved beyond mere asking and lamp-rubbing, we will learn how to rest in His presence, and know what it's like to simply be with God.
His everlasting presence comforts.
The treaure God has offered to us, the one that is worth selling everything you've got in exchange for, is God Himself.
"The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field."
Matthew 13:44
make the rain stop,
stretch 2 hours into 4,
make a terrible boss nicer,
turn back time,
conjure up a million dollars,
or get someone to agree with you.
But she can offer you comfort, and her being there helps make you feel better about whatever horrible situation you're stuck in.
Someday, when our relationship with God has moved beyond mere asking and lamp-rubbing, we will learn how to rest in His presence, and know what it's like to simply be with God.
His everlasting presence comforts.
The treaure God has offered to us, the one that is worth selling everything you've got in exchange for, is God Himself.
"The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field."
Matthew 13:44
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Date with God
Vanilla milkshake and cheesefries.
Billy Bomber's at Marina Square.
It might be official date number two.
I don't know it's hard to keep track.
God's always on my mind.
Skipped the party and stayed up reading A Walk to Remember.
Love it love it love it.
Second time sweet.
So maybe I'll never get married.
No matter.
Dating has taken on a whole new meaning for me.
Dear Jesus,
I know You make all things beautiful in Your time.
Help me be patient.
Billy Bomber's at Marina Square.
It might be official date number two.
I don't know it's hard to keep track.
God's always on my mind.
Skipped the party and stayed up reading A Walk to Remember.
Love it love it love it.
Second time sweet.
So maybe I'll never get married.
No matter.
Dating has taken on a whole new meaning for me.
Dear Jesus,
I know You make all things beautiful in Your time.
Help me be patient.
One Hundred
I was saving this post for something special :)
I have never received so many flowers in my life for a show!
7 daisies and a sunflower - am I loved or am I loved?
It's so funny cause Ria gave me red, pink and yellow daisies, one of each, and Sam and Belle showed up later with the exact same flowers!
Girlfriends so totally rock!
Of course, the sunflower's a classic from my loving mummy and daddy who have always been there to support me :)
I'm amused that...
Mummy, Daddy, Ria, Andy, Sam, Belle, Ivan and Kingsley were all late and missed The Vacant House! (which is like, the msot important piece to me)
Yi Jun thought the show was at 8pm and missed it completely -_-;
I'm delighted that...
Suyin came to watch! What a pleasant surprise :)
And Shaun smsed me, and Kaye sent her love too!
I have never received so many flowers in my life for a show!
7 daisies and a sunflower - am I loved or am I loved?
It's so funny cause Ria gave me red, pink and yellow daisies, one of each, and Sam and Belle showed up later with the exact same flowers!
Girlfriends so totally rock!
Of course, the sunflower's a classic from my loving mummy and daddy who have always been there to support me :)
I'm amused that...
Mummy, Daddy, Ria, Andy, Sam, Belle, Ivan and Kingsley were all late and missed The Vacant House! (which is like, the msot important piece to me)
Yi Jun thought the show was at 8pm and missed it completely -_-;
I'm delighted that...
Suyin came to watch! What a pleasant surprise :)
And Shaun smsed me, and Kaye sent her love too!
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Fall in Love with da:ns
I'm dan:nsing!
Haha everyone's wondering which language that is. I think it's just the way to pronounce it from the dictionary or something.
Can't believe so many people are coming to watch!
So excited!
Went into the studio space today for the first run.
It was marvelous marvelous marvelous!
I love the sunlight, the glass panels and the whole atmosphere of the room! It just feels awesome!
Guess what?
We're sold out on saturday!
Only 12 Oct tickets left (3 & 6 pm)
I love The Vacant House more each time we do it.
Hope my left eye heals fully before sat.
I don't want to dance with only eyeliner on my right eye!
Yan Hui was talking about how I can scrap the eyeliner and just use fake eyelashes but uh, I'd rather stick with eyeliner thanks.
Of course, friends and family aside, I know I've for a V.V.I.P. in the audience, and He doesn't even require a ticket :)
Haha everyone's wondering which language that is. I think it's just the way to pronounce it from the dictionary or something.
Can't believe so many people are coming to watch!
So excited!
Went into the studio space today for the first run.
It was marvelous marvelous marvelous!
I love the sunlight, the glass panels and the whole atmosphere of the room! It just feels awesome!
Guess what?
We're sold out on saturday!
Only 12 Oct tickets left (3 & 6 pm)
I love The Vacant House more each time we do it.
Hope my left eye heals fully before sat.
I don't want to dance with only eyeliner on my right eye!
Yan Hui was talking about how I can scrap the eyeliner and just use fake eyelashes but uh, I'd rather stick with eyeliner thanks.
Of course, friends and family aside, I know I've for a V.V.I.P. in the audience, and He doesn't even require a ticket :)
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Sinking vessels
We are like sinking vessels.
God came and got rid of the water.
But we got holes, and though He can make them magically disappear with the snap of His fingers, He will not.
He's going to plug those holes with us.
One by one.
Partnership.
That means we do it with Him.
And mending those holes could get tedious, frustrating and even painful.
But you have a choice.
Allow Him to work the miracle of healing in you, or continue sinking.
I choose to plug the holes.
What about you?
God came and got rid of the water.
But we got holes, and though He can make them magically disappear with the snap of His fingers, He will not.
He's going to plug those holes with us.
One by one.
Partnership.
That means we do it with Him.
And mending those holes could get tedious, frustrating and even painful.
But you have a choice.
Allow Him to work the miracle of healing in you, or continue sinking.
I choose to plug the holes.
What about you?
I'm His Child
If I was defined as a dancer...
I am doomed.
Cause I am so not good at it.
If I was defined as a student...
I am doomed.
Cause I don't have top grades to show.
And I'm not in some prestigious institution with some prestigious scholarship.
But I am defined as my Heavenly Father's daughter.
And you know what that means?
I can't be better or worse at it.
I just am.
:)
I am doomed.
Cause I am so not good at it.
If I was defined as a student...
I am doomed.
Cause I don't have top grades to show.
And I'm not in some prestigious institution with some prestigious scholarship.
But I am defined as my Heavenly Father's daughter.
And you know what that means?
I can't be better or worse at it.
I just am.
:)
Recycled
"Don't try
to tie me down
with commitment and emotions
with a single word
I'm not that girl from yester-year
...
So if you want to come near
you gotta ask for permission
And whatever reason
you have
I'm not the one to hear
...
Speak to the Keeper of my heart
Only He knows when I should part
with the key
Only He knows when
the time is right for me
Only He knows
who is worthy"
I wrote this?
I don't even remember!
But wow how applicable :)
to tie me down
with commitment and emotions
with a single word
I'm not that girl from yester-year
...
So if you want to come near
you gotta ask for permission
And whatever reason
you have
I'm not the one to hear
...
Speak to the Keeper of my heart
Only He knows when I should part
with the key
Only He knows when
the time is right for me
Only He knows
who is worthy"
I wrote this?
I don't even remember!
But wow how applicable :)
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Someday I'm gonna fly...
This is hard.
Life is hard.
Dancing is hard.
But God is God and I am not :)
He's led me by the hand and helped me to make it through the whole of this week, which is really only 3 days, but it feels much longer cause every day's a struggle, every day's a battle.
The will against the body, the Spirit against flesh.
My ballet teacher says I've improved, but not enough.
I know it's so that I won't get complacent and slack off. Besides, it really isn't enough.
My Jesus deserves so much more.
Dancing as a career had looked impossible.
Now I'm rethinking my options.
Is it really not what God wills or is it just my narrow-mindedness closing the door?
I have such a hard time answering questions about what I want to do after I graduate.
But with Jesus, someday I'm gonna fly...
With him, I will fly.
Life is hard.
Dancing is hard.
But God is God and I am not :)
He's led me by the hand and helped me to make it through the whole of this week, which is really only 3 days, but it feels much longer cause every day's a struggle, every day's a battle.
The will against the body, the Spirit against flesh.
My ballet teacher says I've improved, but not enough.
I know it's so that I won't get complacent and slack off. Besides, it really isn't enough.
My Jesus deserves so much more.
Dancing as a career had looked impossible.
Now I'm rethinking my options.
Is it really not what God wills or is it just my narrow-mindedness closing the door?
I have such a hard time answering questions about what I want to do after I graduate.
But with Jesus, someday I'm gonna fly...
With him, I will fly.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Day of Ambivalence
What was I doing today?
I have no idea.
Neither here nor there.
That's how I spent my precious Sunday.
I woke up early, but got to service late.
Spent too much time on the computer, but spared a friend some trouble.
Stayed behind after service, but achieved no reconciliation.
Saw someone I wanted to see but also didn't want to see.
Brought an extra shirt, but not shoes and contact lenses.
Was at JPL, but didn't play.
Brought my notes, but didn't finish studying.
Wanted to eat at Swensen's, but ended up at Pastamania instead.
Needed to get home early, but went for dessert.
Somehow, I gotta believe that God can use even a rubbishy day like that.
Jesus I believe in you, even if my circumstances don't make sense.
I have no idea.
Neither here nor there.
That's how I spent my precious Sunday.
I woke up early, but got to service late.
Spent too much time on the computer, but spared a friend some trouble.
Stayed behind after service, but achieved no reconciliation.
Saw someone I wanted to see but also didn't want to see.
Brought an extra shirt, but not shoes and contact lenses.
Was at JPL, but didn't play.
Brought my notes, but didn't finish studying.
Wanted to eat at Swensen's, but ended up at Pastamania instead.
Needed to get home early, but went for dessert.
Somehow, I gotta believe that God can use even a rubbishy day like that.
Jesus I believe in you, even if my circumstances don't make sense.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
I don't really understand.
My left hip hasn't healed, and then my right hip started to hurt.
Now my right foot is twisted, and I didn't think it was anything at all until I ran for the bus and felt sharp pangs.
But I'm also getting stronger.
My a la second is more than 90 degrees and I've gone down on my side split!
More of Your grace for me, Jesus.
I don't want to stop dancing.
Even if the whole world thinks I'm no good at it, I still wanna dance with You.
Cause I know it's the damn bestest thing ever.
My left hip hasn't healed, and then my right hip started to hurt.
Now my right foot is twisted, and I didn't think it was anything at all until I ran for the bus and felt sharp pangs.
But I'm also getting stronger.
My a la second is more than 90 degrees and I've gone down on my side split!
More of Your grace for me, Jesus.
I don't want to stop dancing.
Even if the whole world thinks I'm no good at it, I still wanna dance with You.
Cause I know it's the damn bestest thing ever.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
2 Thorns and A Rose
My left hip hurts.
My right hip hurts.
I almost quit.
But I didn't.
You know what would have happened last year?
I would have danced, but inside, I would have quit, and that's half the battle lost.
Today, I found something more.
An inner strength I never knew before.
It comes from a year's training with Jesus.
Walking with Jesus.
And allowing him to be enough for me.
Allowing him to take me hand when all I really want is to sit and sulk.
To allow him to walk me even when my bruised ego is torn and tattered and wants to give up.
How am I dancing with two bad hips?
Last year, I would have said no and sat out.
This year, miraculously, I am still dancing.
Even as the teachers say things like, "you're not going to be a very good dancer even after you graduate", and things like "you need to lose weight", "you're a little too chubby", "what are you doing? that's not dancing!"
Demeaning talk? I've heard it before, all too many times.
Yes I'm still dancing.
Somewhere inside, I'm sarting to understand, for real, the difference between magic and miracles.
The quote from Evan Almighty comes, once again, to mind.
"Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?"
If someone prays to become stronger, do you think God zaps them with super muscles or does He give them the grace to train even when their bodies are not wanting to?
My right hip hurts.
I almost quit.
But I didn't.
You know what would have happened last year?
I would have danced, but inside, I would have quit, and that's half the battle lost.
Today, I found something more.
An inner strength I never knew before.
It comes from a year's training with Jesus.
Walking with Jesus.
And allowing him to be enough for me.
Allowing him to take me hand when all I really want is to sit and sulk.
To allow him to walk me even when my bruised ego is torn and tattered and wants to give up.
How am I dancing with two bad hips?
Last year, I would have said no and sat out.
This year, miraculously, I am still dancing.
Even as the teachers say things like, "you're not going to be a very good dancer even after you graduate", and things like "you need to lose weight", "you're a little too chubby", "what are you doing? that's not dancing!"
Demeaning talk? I've heard it before, all too many times.
Yes I'm still dancing.
Somewhere inside, I'm sarting to understand, for real, the difference between magic and miracles.
The quote from Evan Almighty comes, once again, to mind.
"Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?"
If someone prays to become stronger, do you think God zaps them with super muscles or does He give them the grace to train even when their bodies are not wanting to?
Iced Honey Lemon
She saw me crying and she came over.
I've never really known her, but from the first time we spoke, I felt like I've known her forever.
Kindred souls.
God places them here and there on this journey called life.
They help us when we cannot walk any longer on our own.
I am dating and I am enjoying myself.
Dating all my girlfriends is so much more fulfilling :)
Once again, I sigh.
Girlfriends - what to do without them.
I've never really known her, but from the first time we spoke, I felt like I've known her forever.
Kindred souls.
God places them here and there on this journey called life.
They help us when we cannot walk any longer on our own.
I am dating and I am enjoying myself.
Dating all my girlfriends is so much more fulfilling :)
Once again, I sigh.
Girlfriends - what to do without them.
Monday, September 8, 2008
How Do I Love Thee?
"I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! --
and if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death."
"How Do I Love Thee?" Elizabeth Barrett Browning
One day, I shall know if true love has stood the test of time.
Without this suffering, I have no sacrifice to offer, nothing to place on the altar.
King David wouldn't offer sacrifices that cost him nothing.
Neither would I.
Perhaps love chooses to remain unseen.
And there are the times,
when it should come neither in pomp nor in flare,
but in silent stealth,
creeping upon us as should an old friend.
Smiles, tears, of all my life! --
and if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death."
"How Do I Love Thee?" Elizabeth Barrett Browning
One day, I shall know if true love has stood the test of time.
Without this suffering, I have no sacrifice to offer, nothing to place on the altar.
King David wouldn't offer sacrifices that cost him nothing.
Neither would I.
Perhaps love chooses to remain unseen.
And there are the times,
when it should come neither in pomp nor in flare,
but in silent stealth,
creeping upon us as should an old friend.
Alone.
There is a path we all have to walk.
Alone.
A way no one else can go with us.
But as we walk we shall find
The sweet, lovely face of Jesus.
He will lead you gently down this path,
A place where only willing souls go,
To find the person that they are.
A tumultuous journey and yet-
Necessary nonetheless
For all seekers of the truth;
If you're a seeker of the truth.
I walk this narrow path alone.
None may come with me.
Neither friend nor family,
Nor my true love,
For it's His face I seek,
My Savior's face I seek.
I walk this narrow path alone.
Bittersweet memories,
Joy, tears and all.
Perhaps none shall ever understand
Why down this narrow path I trod.
No matter, for I walk alone.
And yet, not quite.
My Savior walks with me.
Alone.
A way no one else can go with us.
But as we walk we shall find
The sweet, lovely face of Jesus.
He will lead you gently down this path,
A place where only willing souls go,
To find the person that they are.
A tumultuous journey and yet-
Necessary nonetheless
For all seekers of the truth;
If you're a seeker of the truth.
I walk this narrow path alone.
None may come with me.
Neither friend nor family,
Nor my true love,
For it's His face I seek,
My Savior's face I seek.
I walk this narrow path alone.
Bittersweet memories,
Joy, tears and all.
Perhaps none shall ever understand
Why down this narrow path I trod.
No matter, for I walk alone.
And yet, not quite.
My Savior walks with me.
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