Day Four

I log on to the dang-blasted msn and can't find her on my contact list.
I severly dislike msn, friendster and facebook.

I hope she saw my email and will be reading these entries soon.
Just so she knows that I miss her. In a quiet corner of my heart.

Hey roomie, did you know that you're the first girl I cried so hard for?
That puts you on par with... *ahem*

Feel honoured :D

Day Three

She's gone to Aussie with my popular card.
My mum's, to be exact.

I sigh.
And wait for her to mail it back.
Hope my mum doesn't ask for it till then.

Only roomie will do stuff like that.
I laugh a little at the classic-ness of it.

Fingertips.

The pink, purple and blue nail polish is off.
I decided nail polish remover was a lot more efficient than picking it off in bits.

I don't do nails.
Except for girlfriends.
Once for birthday, once for Chinese New Year.
But mostly for girlfriends.
At least, I intend to keep it that way.

Places to Chill

Food for Thought is very very near the National Library.
Just across the street behind it.
I walked by without really noticing it, but something caused me to stop in my tracks.
I think it was the overflowing atmosphere of love and warmth in the place.
Got a nice latte at 3bucks.
Very worth it.
I think it's officially taking over Starbucks as my 'need to chill hang out place'.

Not forgetting The Decoder's Cafe at Balmoral.
Very cosy, and you get to play uber fun board games at 3bucks an hour.
They've got food and drinks too, though I haven't tried.
Waffletown happens to be nearby :)
Love the red and black sofa seats, oh-so-huggable cushions and, well, the decor's just really nice.

Starbucks is a tad higher up on the scale in terms of affordability.
But the toffee nut latte days were worth it.
Now that that's gone of the menu...
Well, it's still a nice place to be with a book.
Especially the couches - oh my goodness.

Haato has the most delicious banana chocolate ice cream at 3 bucks for the smallest cup.
Not to mention a whole host of toehr very ncie flavours.
The one at Olie's place (ridgewood condo, is it?) has couches and taboo as well :)
If you're just wanting good, slightly more luxurious ice cream at a very affordable price, they've an outlet under the same roof as Subway at Marina Square (a few more around the island).

Day Two

Was on my way to school when Sarah dropped me an sms, and somewhere at the bottom, she added that she misses Maria.
That got me started.

But know what?
She may be physically away from me, but she ain't that far really.
It's like I've got enough of her inside of me, enough of her love to not feel lonely when I think of her. I may be 'alone' from the absence of my roomie, but I'm not lonely.

Somehow, thinking about it has made me stronger.
That's when I realised that love does make you stronger.

Day One

By the time I got to the airport, a small crowd was already there. As the seconds ticked by, the crowd grew in size, and along grew the intensity of the atmosphere.

The second time I went to the toilet, I was trying to hide the fact that I felt nauseous and slightly sick in the stomach. I thought I was mad, but then I realised it was probably a result of my attempt to suppress my emotions.
And I had good reasons to.
If I'd let my emotions flow, I would've cried a new stream in Singapore at Changi ariport, so I tried to get a grip on myself. After all, there was already enough tears to go around, and she didn't need any more stress than she already had.

More time passed at an increasingly alarming rate.
I wanted to grab her arm and pull her to a corner where I could have a private word or two with her, but there were too many people around and too much going on.
She gave me a quick hug in between twenty other persons that she hugged and started inching towards departure. I wiped away the single trickle and held back the rest.
As she made her way to the other entrance, I walked ahead of the crowd, but they were too close behind and I started negotiating the fact that she was going to leave and I was not going to have my last word with her.

There was some laughter as she backed into one of the cordons, causing it to topple.
I didn't laugh.
I couldn't.
She waved goodbye and a few seconds later, she was gone.
I wanted to catch her disappearing into the crowds, but I didn't.

Family and friends starting dissipating.
A few sobs escaped, and within a few seconds, I was retching so terribly my friends grew alarmed and Meimei came to put her arms around me.

My dear roomie,
I wanted very badly to say goodbye.

Soul Calling

I pounded the floor over 1200 times.
My fist hurt. My arm ached.
But if every pound was a soul saved, it was worth it.

Knocking on heaven's door for my school.
____________________________________
To quote Suyin's song from Confessions: Life Lessons,
"What we need: a radical revelation."
I want cutting edge creativity to reach lost souls.
God's been putting ideas in my head.
Now to act.
Jesus I ask for your favour.
You said we shall do things greater than these.
Well, I'm ready to be your vessel, your hands and feet.
I'm ready to act.
____________________________________
I am haunted by
Albertine, Brooke Fraser and
If Everyone Cared, Nickelback

"Now that I have seen, I am responsible."

I can't even put the Nickelback video in words.
Go check it out yourself.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ScLQX3g0784

A Word of Advice

If you are male and fast approaching the age of 18 (or have already exceeded), this is for you.

If you want ladies to respect you, you gotta earn it.
Stop making chauvinistic comments about women, even if you are joking.
What makes you think ladies are going to hold any respect for men who put them down as weaker/overly sensitive/cannot be understood/troublesome (the list goes on)?

The whole point is not to understand women (by now you should be realising that yoiur capacity to do that is limited - very limited).
Appreciate them for their differences and when you can't fathom what's going on in their minds, leave it as one of those mysteries that differentiate us from you.

Do that, and you'd be surprised at how much better your relationships with your female friends are going to turn out.

Day 777

Jesus, you can have my everything.

I made that commitment 4 years ago.
Now I'm beginning to taste the pain of its required price.

Child, it's not too late to turn back.

No, Lord. The day I said I'm Yours, I meant what I said.
I will not take it back.
Even if it costs me this and more.
Even if it costs me my life.

He smiles, which says alot more than what words can.

This is the price to pay,
but in return, I hear his voice and I see his smile...
Sometimes, his face becomes clearer - ever so slight.
And I know it is worth it.

I love you.
I love you.
I love you...

I am lost in the embrace of his love.
And when I have fully lost myself, I am found by him.

Jesus.
Dearest name these lips shall ever utter.



I love you too.

Day 42

Thanks Joylynn! For "The Cross and the Switchblade"!
Now I've the first volunteer to help me plan my party :)

Ran into Juliano at redhill cause he was boarding at the exit I was alighting.
I'm thinking - what are the chances? I usually take bus.

I think I'm addicted to chocolate.
42 days into the year.
I've not bought chocolate for myself at all, but I've been blessed with chocolate from other sources. Only problem: I'm having withdrawal symptoms! And I just had a hershey's pie...
Oh good Lord. I need help.

Back muscles ache.
I'm working real hard in class, but my teachers can't see it, apparently.
Well at least one's been encouraging...she told me my side split has improved :)
Yan Hui's been affirming too; she tells me I've improved.
I know I still have a long way to go.
What matters is that I'm keeping my focus on the right Person.

Valentine's day is coming!
Happy birthday Joylynn!
I don't have a date, of course, but if I do, I'll date my girlfriends :)

Another day gone by in the blink of an eye.

To Die For

Dancing is not 'to die for'.
I will not 'do whatever it takes to dance'.

Because there's only one thing each of us can have that's 'to die for'.
Just ONE.

It can't be two or more, cause the day will come when both are presented before you and you are asked to choose. Then what? Do you have enough lives to die for both?
Neither do I.

So choose wisely, and choose carefully.

My 'to die for' thing is very clear.
I die for the One who died for me.
He who paid my ransom and bought my life at a price.

My Savior is to die for.
Only He is worth the giving up of my life.
In fact, He deserves my life - every single bit of me - and more.

Dance for Me.

I am NOT a dancer who is a Christian.
I am a Christian who is a dancer.
And not just any dancer - a dancer by calling.

It's getting a little hard to explain that to non-believers who think I'm in the wrong course. Honestly, if it'd been left up to me, I wouldn't be in this course either.

But that's the point.
I didn't want it to be up to me - I wanted it to be up to Jesus.

My only pain is in that I am not able to bring glory to His name by flourishing in my trade, and on top of that, I fear I smear His name with my lack of skill.
I remember those years when I worked so hard to get to the top for my own purposes. "Pain is good" had been my mantra.
But now...
If I work, I work for my Savior.
Him and Him alone be my source of motivation and strength.

I know I'm a little lost. I just need some time to find my way.

He Chose the Nails

When I think about what Jesus endured on the cross, what is an engagement ring compared to the need for billions of others to hear of the good news of salvation that is freely given through Christ?

Do you know what held Jesus on the cross?
No, it wasn't three measely nails. C'mon - he had twelve legions of angelic armies at his disposal! With a single word, he could have trashed his enemies and sent them all cowering (or repenting in dust and ashes).

It was love.
The excruciating pain was one reality.
Eternal condemnation in hell and separation from God as the fate of his beloved ones was the other.

The cross was but a weak, human-devised wooden structure that had no power whatsoever in holding captive the Son of God.
To quote Max Lucado, "He chose the nails", because he knew there wasn't any other way for us if he hadn't.

There's a thought to meditate on eh.

An Engagement Ring

In Quest for Love, one young lady prayed for a godly husband who will love the Lord with all his heart and be willing to sacrifice his own desires to carry out the work of the Lord.
She eventually met one such young man, who loved her and proposed to her. He did, however, also inform her that he will not be able to afford an engagement ring. The money is needed to advance the kingdom of the Lord, he tells her.
At first she is too stunned to respond. But when the shock has worn off, she asks herself - isn't he exactly the kind of a man she'd been praying for?

Upon reading that, I asked myself if I would be capable of making that sacrifice if I were in her shoes. The answer came after some thought.
It's not really about the engagement ring. It about a heart so set on God and His purposes, one so deeply in love with her Savior, that no other riches of this world matter.

I pray someday, I'll find a man who loves his Lord more than he loves me.
I pray someday, I'll find a man with enough character to sacrifice himself for the Lord.

Zonked Out

This is the first time I am handing in an assignment LATE.

Ok my life is officially on the edge.
I am so wiped out.
Who would've imagined that 4 long days would be swept up with visitations and mahjong and whatever else happens during chinese new years?
And so, I eagerly anticipate the weekend following a short week in school.
Well well well.
Another weekend burnt.

Not that I didn't enjoy it, and not that it wasn't spent meaningfully.
There was one trip to the airport, one trip to Gabriel's house, one trip to Meimei's house, one trip to Crest bookshop, one trip to The Pines country club, one trip to Shwing's house, one trip to Joyce Wong's house and one trip to The Art House.
On top of the usual stuff like prayer and service.
I was in ten places this weekend?!??!
Gawd.
No wonder I'm tired.

Where's my sabbath..!