I believe in You.

If I believed what all of you are telling me, it requires no faith for me to live at all.

The Word of God demands absolute trust.
It stands irregardless of situation and personal emotions.
It especially stands irregardless of what the world tells you, and it usually tells you otherwise.
And often, it stands even in the face of well-meaning counsel.

I am taking a gamble.
Maybe I'll end up looking like a first class idiot.
Doesn't really matter.
Not if this is the way to learning how to love my King with every bit of me.

His Sacrifice

Old sins come creeping up on me.
It's been close to 4 years, but I still feel the effects of the mistakes I made back then. They are etched onto memories, both mine and others who stood by watching.

Are you one of them?
Are you judging me now?

The reason I'm free from those nightmares is this: Jesus' blood covers me. I'm eternally grateful.
You don't know what it's like until you've been down there, living in darkness, the kind that hangs like a thick, suffocating curtain, threatening to smother you, and sometimes, it almost succeeds.
The silence is so loud its screams pierces the innermost of your soul.

Jesus rescued me.
Quit thinking I grew out of it. I didn't.
Quit thinking I moved on. I couldn't.
Quit thinking I was enlightened. I wasn't.
I was rescued.

Do you hear me? All you unbelieving ones!
I was rescued.

I believe in the light at the end of the tunnel.
I've seen it, I've lived by it, I'm walking in it.

Tears For Savior

I cried twice last week.
Once on Good Friday, once on Easter.

Maybe watching 'The Passion' makes you sick and disgusted or faint from all the violence and gore. That was how I felt the first time I watched it. So traumatized I sat and stared into the pillow for a good 5 minutes before being able to breathe normally again.

This time round, it was different.

You know, if a guy went and got himself flogged and crucified to prove his love for me, I'd say he was sick and stay far, far away. I'd take a rose on V-day and a candlelight dinner anytime.
But somehow, when Jesus does it, it's different.
But of course - he ain't just anybody.

I cried because my Savior willingly endured all that so that I don't have to live the screwed up life I was doomed to live.
I don't know what most of you hear when watching the Jesus on film being flogged and the nailed being hammered in. I know what I heard - there was this whisper in a silent corner of my soul calling out, "This is how much I love you. This is the price I am willing to pay to pursue you."

And I cried.
Because He loves me.
I'll never know the full height, depth, length and width of this everlasting love Christ has proclaimed.

As the tears rolled down my cheeks, I knew what my Savior was doing with each precious droplet. He caught them - every single one of them - with a glass vial; like a treasure, he stores them up on a shelf in heaven.
I could hear him telling the angels and heavenly hosts with pride, "You see these tears? She shed them for me. My beloved shed these tears for me."

Yes Jesus, I shed those tears for you.
I regret that I have nothing more to give than those tears as I watched you being pierced.
But if I could, to show you that I love you too, I'd cry you a river.

I'd cry you a river.

1 Cor 13:4

"Love suffers long and is kind..."
1 Cor 13:4 (NKJV)

We've heard 'love is patient' so often the meaning gets lost behind the familiarity of the words.
This version was a little in my face.
Love is long-suffering.
Wow.

Love Song for Savior

Love Song for Savior
[Jars of Clay]

In open fields of wildflowers
She breathes the air and flies away
She thanks her Jesus
For the daisies and the roses
In no simple language
Someday she'll understand the meaning of it all

He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heaven
Close as our heartbeat or a song on our lips
Someday she'll trust and learn how to see him
Someday he'll call her
She will come running
Fall in his arms
Tears will fall down and she'll pray

I want to fall in love with you


I've seen the wildflowers, I've said my thanks
I've seen the stars in the heavens smile
I've felt my heart beat, I've sang the song
I've learnt to trust and I've come to see him
I've heard Jesus call, and I've come running
I've fallen in his arms, as did the tears fall down my face

Jesus, I wanted to fall in love with you.
Now I have.
And I am still falling in love with you,
more and more each day.

I'm crying inside but you don't see my tears.

But He does. I know He loves me the most.

An Inkling

God,
grant me the courage to change the things I can,
the serenity to accept the things I can't,
and the wisdom to differentiate the two.

I know how.
It's people.
The difference between the first the the second is that the latter involves other people.

I am learning how to 'let things be' for a bit.

Happy Birthday :)

Thanks Yan Hui, Yong Xin and Zu You! I love the dress and Step Up 2 rocks! The next time we eat at Fish & Co., we are sharing! The portions are humongous!

Thanks Ivan, Sebastian and Meiling (my hot babe)! The cake was delish! Sorry you didn't manage to get my face into it, but it's a good thing cause it'll be wasted!

Ahhhhhhhhh! My girls! What would I do without you?!?! Ria, Shwing, Jo-an and Sammie! Let's go eat ice again :) the blindfold is the prettiest thing, and Horton rocked! It's the perfect movie!

Hello Andy! It was so unplanned, but what the heck i enjoyed the firehouse, and you better send me the video! Thanks for dinner! Next time it'll be my treat!

Closing thoughts of 19-hood

In 27 hrs 49mins I'm gonna be 20!!!
My goodness I'm going to be an adult soon!

But if you ask my parents, they'll happily tell you that I really am only 7 years old - at least when I'm around them :)

This promises to be a good year!
Ever since I was lost and found by Jesus, each year just gets better. By that, I don't mean that everything goes smoothly and is always fine and dandy. It's just how through all the valley and mountain experiences, I've found myself walking closer and closer to Him, my True Love :)

I will follow him
Follow him wherever he may go
And near him I always will be
For nothing can keep me away
He is my destiny

I will follow him
Ever since he touched my heart I knew
There isn't an ocean too deep
A mountain so high it can keep
Keep me away
Away from his love

For as long as I can remember, I've dreamt about my prince charming riding to my rescue in his shining armour, mounted on his white horse and sweeping me off my feet.
Know what?
He's already come :)
There is no one - absolutely NO ONE - who loves me the way Jesus does. No one else, who knows how to love me like he does.
Nor anyone who will.

Patience

Patience is easy in theory but darn, darn, darnit hard in practice!
Hello Joshua this is for you too :)

Time's been crawling the past few days.
It always happens when you're waiting on something.
I have no easy words of comfort; there is nothing I can say to make the process easier or even appear to be less of a faith-tester than it really is. But that's probably the whole point.
A faith-testing period.

My bible reading's of Job at the moment, which kinda helps in the screaming and being totally honest in my prayers bit.

I journal, I pray, I cry, I sigh, I blog, I read "Boy Meets Girl" and my bible in hope that something will make things better or at least get me through.

I walked off the career cliff awhile ago when I auditioned for LASALLE. Right now, as the frail, brittle walls of pretension crumble and the truth comes to light, I find myself walking off a second cliff that proves even harder than the first.
This time round, there's even less proof that I won't plunge straight to the bottom. I am so scared of waking up and realising there's nothing to break my fall.

Know what it feels like to be suspended with everything that matters dangling precariously in mid-air?
No, you don't.
Not until you've been here.

This is what it means to be held.
I have nothing else than all You offer me.