...there is Jesus.

For every moment of loneliness, there is Jesus.
For every heartache, there is Jesus.
For every shattered dream, there is Jesus.
For every broken wing, there is Jesus.

For every dance, there is Jesus.
For every song, there is Jesus.
For every starry night, there is Jesus.
For every moment of restedness, there is Jesus.

For every battle to be fought, there is Jesus.
For every death to be conquered, there is Jesus.
For every wanderer to be brought home, there is Jesus.
For every sinner to be saved, there is Jesus.

He is the beginning, the end all.

I'm going for my MRI scan tomorrow.
Don't know what to expect, but hey, God's Sovereign and He's got my back :)

Oh and, Jesus,
Please heal Jon Ji and let him regain his sight fully!
Please also heal Shze Hui so that she won't have to go for that scary op.
And finally, please allow me to finish this course...
Amen.

The Alchemy of Redemption

Here's an old song that is entirely appropriate.

So what can I say?
And what can I do?
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You
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Through an old video and an old book, God sends His rescue.
About 7 hours ago, I was vexed and crying tears of frustration on the bench down at the clubhouse as I explain the predicament I was in to Shwing.
A couple of hours later, I was rewatching the skit to Everything by Lifehouse.
If you need to be moved, be touched, rediscover a love you thought you knew but had somehow lost, and if you need to cry, go watch it.
Over dinner about 4 hours ago, I was reading Finding God in Unexpected Places, which I had been reading before I lent Mu Gen as I had reader's block* and could not finish the book.

"Because the deepest strength comes only through testing...I have learnt that faith means trusting in advance what willl make sense only in reverse...
Not even the murder of God's own son could end the relationship between God and human beings. In the alchemy of redemption, that most villianous crime became a day we now call Good friday."
Philip Yancey, Finding p.224

"I once viewed foreknowledge as a "genie in a bottle" gift of magic that afoords the recipient an enviable advantage. I now see it as a rather demanding test of faith. David in exile dreaming of his coronation, Hezekiah debating fifteen-year plans, the apostle Paul riding out a Mediterranean storm, even Jesus praying in gethsemane - all had special foresight into what end awaited them, but that hardly made the process any easier. It takes an extra measure of faith to endure with patience and obedience the long hours or years that precede whatever future you know about in advance. Ask the Old Testment prophets."
Philip Yancey, Finding p.232

Well, I suppose that puts me on par with alot of people.
________________________________

So I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all
I'll stand, my soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours

Truly, I have nothing mroe to say than to offer my life, once again, up to You.
Even though that still isn't quite enough, it is all I have.



*Reader's block is particular to the book you're reading. One tends to experience it when you're
1. Reading a book at the wrong time
2. At a section of the book you're not supposed to read yet

The Here and The Now

"So breathe it and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There's a wonder in the here and now
It's right there in front of you
I don't want you to miss the miracle of the moment"
Steven Curtis Chapman

Thanks guys for the CD. Love the songs :)
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I must be insane to be up at this hour.

My days are getting...messy.
There's so much churning and churning inside my head.
Was I sane in taking on so much?
God, was it Your plan all along?
I've no idea what I'm doing.
I sure hope You do.

I know You do.

Major decisions, major commitments.
Left, right, center;
Up, down, front, back.
I'm squashed.

...
---
...
That's S.O.S. in morse code for you.

"You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me."
Psalm 139:5

Oh Lord, You are my God.
My trust is in You.

Ker-plat!

Killed a fly today in studio H.
Killed a long-legged mosquito in my bathroom today.
Could that be considered a skill?

Day 9 of 21-hood

"You are not defined by you abilities, but by your decisions."
Albus Dumbledore wisely said to Harry Potter.
The difference between Lord Voldemort and Harry Potter is that Harry Potter said, "Not Slytherin', not Slytherin'!"
__________________________________
Dance workshop at Loudfest was goooood!
I'm regaining my confidence.
It's been so subtle all along that I didn't realise it but...
Verbal abuse!
How does it feel to have someone verbally diminish your self worth twice a week for 24 weeks?
And I didn't even think anything was going wrong.
Now that the truth is out, I feel SO FREE!
Anyway, discovered that lyrical hip hop is my thing :)

Summer frost was nice. I wanna try milk flavour with chocolate sauce next time.
Thanks God for Mu Gen, who seems aptly placed in my life at the right moements to help me make up my mind to stick to decisions I've made (which I always start un-making after awhile).
Such as not buying the Loudfest tee (not for any other reason save I made a new year resolution not to spend any money on clothes, shoes, bags, accessories etc.). I really like the pink one actually.
Yeah I bought a pair of Giselles, but that's cause my shoes were soaked through, my socks were soaked through, and it was starting to get itchy and uncomfortable.
And for going to Mas Kuning tonight.
I've forgotten the loveliness of solitude at the playground area.

Project NSA (no strings attached) is coming along fantabulously!
Thank God for foodforthought, for Auntie Puat Fong, Uncle Alick, Pastor Alvin and Tze Cin! For supporting this and making it possible.
Thank God for Esther and Jordan and Sam for standing in the gap with me.
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In need of direction for two major things in my life.

I wanna dance.
I so wanna do Bleeding Love.
And...is it just me or is my dream getting ressurrected?

Song of the Moment

过去的批评嘲讽 let it go, let it go
过去的轻蔑冷落 let it go, let it go
有些人口不饶人 却忘了瞧瞧自己又有什么资格

时刻都善良待人 let's move on, let's move on
时刻都做好本分 let's move on, let's move on
有些人心思浅薄 绝不是宽容自暴自弃的理由

也许 确实也受过言语打击
也许 从来也没什么好际遇
千万别将勇气深锁在阴影里
我们又不妨碍这世界继续美丽

我知道我变漂亮了 我知道我被注意了
曾难过 曾失落 微笑一下就过
外在的美貌容易戳破
内在的美好细水长流

我知道我变漂亮了 我直道我也豁达了
不自卑 不埋怨 就算还差一点点
用内涵弥补一切缺陷
内在的美迷住每个人的眼

Thank you for the memories.

Truly, I thank every single one of you for the most splendid night I've ever had in all 21 years of my life.

Daddy and Mummy,
For burning a big hole in your pockets with the food, room and decor stuff.

Joyce, Steph and Sam,
For coming over on Sunday to do all the cutting and tying.

Joyce, Steph, Belle and Daddy,
For helping to get the decor done and setting up in time.

Yan Hui and Yong Xin,
For helping this Cinderella attend her ball looking like royalty.

Shirley 姨姨 and 姨丈,
For the gorgeous bouquet and the humongously delicious cake!

婆婆 and Shirley 姨姨,
For the lovely necklace that came at just the right moment :)

公公, 婆婆, 星星, Janna 姐姐 and Melissa 表姐,
For seeing me through 21 birthdays and always being there.

Derrick,
For gracing my party with his awesome guitar-playing skills.

Suyin,
For inspiring me to do this whole thing in the first place.

Shwing,
For standing by me (literally) and singing with me so that I had the courage to do what I did.

Ria,
For the long distance call in the middle of the party, which made me scream with joy :)

Ivan,
For helping me to capture my memories in such professional fashion.

Sarah W,
For the trouble of getting me the amp.

Ian,
For getting the mics to work.

Joanne, Olie, Shwing, Meimei, Belle, Steph, Joyce W, Mich, Joyce K, Sarah L, Daniel, Yong Bing, Ivan, Ian, Chris and Joash,
For the loveliest gifts, for making a big deal out of me, and for staying back to help clean up!

Edwin, Mu Gen, Bryan, Clement, Gabriel, James, Matthew, Tim, Ming Hui, Hannah and Suen,
For adding loads of fun and laughter and life :)

Joylynn,
For rushing down (I'm sorry you got a little lost!) and for putting alot of love into your gift.

Cassandra,
For all things beautiful, including the necklace that I am absolutely in love with, and your words in my guestbook that nearly made me cry.

Daniel and Hei Man,
For being friends I want to remember for life (love your gift!)

Hanna,
For asking me for my wishlist and really getting me shower gel from The Body Shop :)

Jia Yin,
For coming in on such short notice, and for a really thoughtful gift.

Jessica,
For being there.

Yi Jun,
For biking down in a rush and humoring me with his usual antics.

Everyone present,
For surprising me with the cake and song (you guys were so sneaky), for allowing me to serenade you with my 2 songs, for making it such a memorable night and for making me so very glad that I had this party.

Whew!
This is waaaaay better than saying my thanks at the Academy Awards :)

the twenty-first 13 March

How do you want to be remembered?

Peanut butter and jam sandwich, with a bit of Steph's chocolate cake.
Did my daily bible reading.
Took a ride with daddy to pick up the amp from Sarah at SMU.
Rainging heavily.
Dropped off at Fast Print.
Rained had stopped.
Printed my leaves and pictures of Paris.
Went to use the toilet at block E.
Took a lift ride to avoid running into someone.
H102.
Caught a few greetings and a compliment.
Filled in semestral programme feedback forms.
Got my lovely dress from Yan Hui, Yongxin, Zu You, Ivonn, June and the foundation girls.
Guess that settles my wardrobe woes for tomorrow :)
Strawberry milk tea from Sweet Talk.
Lunch at Jap-Western restaurant in Bugis Junction.
Short walk over to food for thought.
Waited briefly for David.
Plans for Project NSA settled.
Exhilarated.
Heads to Bugis mrt.
Stops to read one-frame comics.
Meets Steph at Vivocity box office for The Tale of Despereaux.
Bought popcorn and drink.
Loved loved loved the movie.
Stirred up feelings of longing for...so many things.
A countryside, a castle, a princess.
We're all born with princesshood written onto our hearts.
Courage, honor, gentleman, knight in shining armour.
We all dream of being rescued by one.
Despereaux dared to be different.
And yes, there is nothing quite as powerful as forgiveness.
A trip to Daiso.
Queued at Marche.
Read a bit of Disappointment With God (second read).
Felt Him in the air, in the wind, in everything around me.
I know He is real.
Dinner with parents.
Nice rosti and crepe.
Cable car ride.
Singing Lemon Tree in chinese.
Stopped at The Jewel Box.
Nicest toilet I've been to.
Back in the car, back home.
24 sms birthday greetings.
A few more on facebook.

It could've been an eventful or non-eventful day, depending on how you look at it.

Standing at the washbasin in the ladies outside Marche after dinner, it occurs - no, it becomes clearer to me, that the worth or value of an object is determined by how wanted it is. Consequently, the worth of a person is determined by how loved he or she is.
When people know that they are loved, they are no longer the same.
Love changes our worth.
Now what if you knew you are dearly loved by the God of the universe?

25 sms greetings.
26.

How do you want to be remembered?
I want to be remembered by the lives I touch and the love I give.

Two Songs and More

"...and should my dreams fall through,
I will be safe with You."
How You Love Me, Bebo Norman

Auntie Lily says I'm brave.
Never thought of myself that way.
Am I really?
Guess I never thought of my sufferings as requiring bravery.
Elisabeth Elliot writes in The Path of Loneliness, that enduring suffering takes courage too.

"Follow You Jesus all the way up that hill
Follow You Jesus all the way up that hil
To the cross where the river runs
Crimson even still, yes I will
Follow You Lord, I will."
Yes I Will, Bebo Norman

Milestone 21

I thought back to my J1 years, remembering how I used to come across statements declaring love for God.
"Jesus, I love you."
Plain and simple.
And I would think, really? Could I really say that without any uncertainty?
I realised I loved Jesus with all the head knowledge up here, but not with my heart.

"Those who say that they believe in God yet neither love nor fear him, do not so much believe in Him but in those who have taught them that God exists. Those who believe that they believe in God, but without any passion in their heart, any anguish of mind, without uncertainty, without doubt, without an element of despair even in their consolation, believe only in the God-idea, not in God."
-Miguel de Unamuno

Now I'm bordering on the age of 21.
I'm thankful, almost exhilarated to say, that somewhere between then and now, my heart has experienced that which my head acknowledged
Without a shred of doubt, I declare that I love Jesus with the breath, smiles, tears, of all my life, and I shall but love him better after death.

I have anguished and doubted, despaired and received consolation, and my life continues to be plagued with the likes of these.
And yet, unwavering, unfailing is His love for me, which surpasses any love known to and exemplified by man.
Out of such a furnace is my Hosanna borne.
With each clinging on, each wee bit of faith, I grow stronger and more certain of my love for Jesus.

And so now I say this:
Jesus, I love you.

Lovin' Livin' Life

Dear God,

Thank You so very, very, very much for giving me a breather (even if it comes in the form of sitting out due to injuries).

Amen.
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Party planning's coming along nicely :)
Daddy told me the caterers will bring their own table *whew* saves me the trouble of getting cardboard boxes!
I've been dated by mysterious person(s) on 11 March!
When I find out which lovely person(s) they are, they are getting a big hug.
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Did you know that we call the fake grass patch at LASALLE the 'frass'?
So that makes a 'big hug' a 'bug'!