30 August

How unoriginal.

This might be my last August post.
Why do I sound like it's a funeral?
__________________________
God is doing His usual thing, throwing us human-lings into bewilderment and wondering if we managed to get anything right, especially the important stuff.

It was good talking to Shwing.
Definitely wondering about the increasing space between us (sounds like a certain famous theme song from a certain famous Award winning romantic movie), and it's clear it ain't just either of us - it's both.

It's a regular Sunday night, or perhaps not too regular.
Depends on how you look at it.
Had dinner at HeyHey Hotpot at pomo. It was delish, even though I didn't eat very much.
Loved The Proposal. Sandra Bullock is hilarious and totally awesome at what she does. Ryan Reynolds is pretty easy on the eyes (ok good-looking is more accurate, but I'm not about to go ga-ga over some movie celeb cause this heart is taken ;) and well, it was pretty heart-warming towards the end.
I recommend it!
Joanne said she didn't think it was good, but well, guess I'm a sucker for romantic-comedies, especially those that come with happy endings!

Waiting for my own happy ending.
42 is my magic number.

Back to God.
He rocks my socks like nothing else does.
Love Him, love Him some more, and it still ain't close to how much He loves me.
I am so screwed up. But He loves me. I am amazed.
Hope the teddy is staring back at me.
I named him after the song I Hope You Dance.

Don't think I'll ever stop dancing.
Won't stop believing that God is good, won't stop moving my hands and feet to the music.

Hope tomorrow is a better day.
I don't have to work!
Going to start cleaning up my room :)

Love this song, love this song, love this song...

Make It Work
Ne-Yo

You understand me
At least you say you do
Lately thats enough for me
Looking for perfect
Surrounded by artificial
You're the closest thing to real I've seen

Sure, everyone has their problems
That's a given
Yours are the easiest to tolerate
This wasn't what we was wanting
How we're living
But let's take this good enough and turn it to great
Baby understand...

This can only be as good as we both make it
Guess sometimes its gonna hurt (yes sometimes its gonna hurt)
We can be as happy as we want to be girl
But we gotta make it work

We gotta make it work
Ay oh ay oh oh
We gotta make it work
Ay oh ay oh oh
We gotta make it work
Ay oh ay oh oh
We gotta make it work
Ay oh ay oh oh

Sometimes I love you
More than you'll ever know
Other times you get on my nerves
(hey) That's just reality
No, it can't always be
Kisses, hugs, and beautiful words

You was looking for your prince
What you found
Is a pauper with potential
And no, i'm nowhere near perfect..
But i'm around
Girl, time and patience is essential
Baby realize...

This can only be as good as we both make it
Guess sometimes its gonna hurt
We can be as happy as we want to be girl
But we gotta make it work

We gotta make it work
Ay oh ay oh oh
We gotta make it work
Ay oh ay oh oh
We gotta make it work
Ay oh ay oh oh
We gotta make it work
Ay oh ay oh oh

Thick and thin
The bad outweighs the good sometimes
That doesn't mean we're 'spose to give it up
My problems are yours
And yours are mine

This can only be as good as we both make it
Guess sometimes its gonna hurt
We can be as happy as we want to be girl
But we gotta make it work

We gotta make it work
Ay oh ay oh oh
We gotta make it work
Ay oh ay oh oh
We gotta make it work
Ay oh ay oh oh
We gotta make it work
Ay oh ay oh oh

Outstanding taxi fare

Monday $64.60
Tuesday $20.60
Wednesday $14.65

Boy oh boy.
That's 15cents away from a hundred bucks!
I hope Allison makes the claims soon!
Don't have a fat bank account anymore for paying in advance.

Tue. Wed.

Ran into Johnathan second day on the job. Been meeeting characters of all sorts, and God's been granting me loads of favours in getting cabs and finding places.

For instance, the bus stopped at a stop for a prolonged period of time cause someone was asking for directions or something, and while waiting I just decided to check the directory again, and realised it was my stop! I zipped off pronto - thank God for making the bus wait haha!

On two instances I was in ulu places and managed to get cabs fast cause the uncles were taking breaks and had parked their cabs in the hdb flat area parking lots. But that's not all - in both instances the uncles were in the cab so it was ask, hop in and go!

Talking to school counsellors has been an eye opener of another sort. I never knew this much about neighbourhood schools and the problems kids from less well-to-do backgrounds faced. Yes, I have been a pretty sheltered one.
Little flower in greenhouse, so to speak.

Then there's all the counsellors who took MCs on tuesday, meaning drop-off-and-go so I didn't have to rush! Tuesday's schedule was crazy packed, and if not for those unexpected absences...I actually got back earlier than Shaun!

Ok maybe today wasn't so fab.
My watch slowed and I didn't realise, then I got to the school in Sengkang and it had moved to Hougang.
Caaaabb!
At least I got my nice lunch at 剪刀饭 and even squeezed in a haircut ($3.80 at Snip Avenue, Toa Payoh; talk about dirt cheap)!

Went to AMK Methodist Church for dance.
Really wasn't expecting what I found.
The dance, I mean.
But that aside, it's clear to me that these kids are precious.
With a capital P.
I bet they get front seats to the parade in heaven.
Heck, they probably get to be in the parade.

It's been three days and I've met a busload-ful of characters.
Wondering where this is all leading to.
Dunno.
But I know God's got some plans up His sleeves :)

What a day.

9.15am chatted with Shaun about Christianity once again. he can't make it for captain's ball (and even if he could, he can't play cause of an injury). damn.

$5 first taxi ride. sorry to say i can't remember what I said to the taxi uncle.

$20 Malay taxi uncle, tuned in to a Malay radio station. decided to keep my mouth shut and rest.

$20.20 Chinese taxi uncle, 66 years old with 4 kids and 8 grandchildren. shared the gospel with him. sorta. not the point by point blatant way, of course. invited him to church. it's very convenient having a mrt station named after your church.

$12.80 Indian taxi uncle. had a photo of a saint on the dashboard (whom i mistakenly assumed to be his wife). told me about she was born blue, has healing powers from god, and travels the world healing people's souls and doing saintly work. i was dumbfounded. he asked me for my religion and i told him i'm a christian. he mentioned mother teresa. i tried to explain the difference. i think i failed.

$6.60 Chinese taxi uncle with alot of buddhist bands on his gear. said he got them free when he donated to monks. had some other powerful buddhist thing hanging from his rearview mirror. another attempt at sharing the gospel. it's hard when people believe all roads lead to rome. by the way, they don't. drove past our lovely church building and told him he's welcomed to visit :)

5.30pm took a chance and said hi to the stranger walking next to me in clarke quay mrt station. his name is Sylva, from Nigeria, Africa and he attends an African church. went for a quick drink in burger king and exchanged numbers. i'm visiting his church some time and he's coming to Bartley.

What a day.

Wind

Went for YA CGL bs today.
Too many acronyms?
That's young adult, cell group leader and bible study.

Not that I'm one yet, but will be soon, in about four months.
Oh gosh.
I was just getting used to this whole CGL thing in Frontline Youth and now I'm getting vamooshed to YA! (do you hear an aaaaaarrrrggggh~)

Too many changes, too many uncertainties, too many loose ends not tied down.
It's a good thing Joanne pointed out that I'm tired, having slept at 3am and woke up at 7am for girls' bs.

Oh God, is it too much to ask for some certainty?

Took an evening nap, but still feeling emotionally drained.
Hope it gets better tomorrow.
Work starts.
I'll be too busy to think about this for at least two weeks.
After that...God knows.
_________________________________________
It is often in the winds of change that we find our true direction.

muah-rah-dum

(I have no idea what my post title means it just popped into my head)

I think I'm getting immuned to things these days. used to be a real huge softie for things but now...gosh I dunno what happened. Did the process of toughening me make me more emotionless?

That's a scary thought.
I hope I find the balance.

Up was a lovely movie :)
We can all get too dead set on things of old and fail to look ahead, missing out even on the things that are right before us. That's saying something, coming from me.
Life goes on.
Time for a new adventure!

Waiting to watch G-Force.
And The Proposal. Only cause it's Sandra Bullock.

Fact and Fiction

Did you know the seven deadly sins are
1. Pride
2. Greed
3. Envy
4. Anger
5. Lust
6. Gluttony
7. Slothfulness

And apparently wikipedia tells you that Eve took and ate the apple.
It's a fruit, guys, no mention of it being an apple whatsoever.
The next thing we'd be debating is whether it was cinnamon.

Some answers to bible trivia seriously crack me up.

Like Noah's wife is Joan of Arc.
Or epistles are wives of the apostles.

It's time to read your bibles, friends.

Oh and, on a side note, The Da Vinci Code is a FICTION book.
There. It's in caps, bold, and italicised.
Fiction means story, means untrue, though like any other good storyteller Mr Brown's done his research and thrown in a few real names to make the tale convincing.
Honestly, the way people talk about it, you'd almost expect Professor Robert Langdon to exist.

Job: Mother.

Something is very wrong with my blogger new posts webpage.
Oh well.
I shall be thankful that I can still post :)

YAY I have a job!
For two weeks I will be running around the island talking to school counselors about Immanuel Beauty School, a non-profit organization that helps school dropouts of ages 15-17 by educating them with beautician skills and helping them find a job (and palce in society). And they're paying me $60 a day :)
Good money, good cause, gets my lazy butt out of the house.
What more could I ask for?

Ching Ting's asked me to do two more sessions of creative movement class at RVPS, so that's another source of income.
I'm starting to get attached to the kids! Am going to miss them (a little) when I leave.
You've the naughty and the nice, the hyper-active and the shy, the outspoken and the quiet, the boys and the girls (duh!) and some really creative ones :)
This boy does a pretty good Michael Jackson (or generic rockstar) imitation, and this other girl keeps asking if she can do the moonwalk.
These kids are amazing!
It's only the second week but they're already asking, "Are you coming back next week?"
Aww...
That's the sound of my heart melting.

So now I get it.
Ain't got no soft spot for babies in me, but just put me with a kid aged between four to seven and you'll get the kind of reaction you see from most of my girlfriends when they're around babies (think Cassandra - oh my)!
Alternatively you could try CGI animated baby mammoths.
But let's not go there.

Maybe I can do this thing called motherhood after all.

YAMI not

The YAMI yoghurt person never called, and when I called back, all the managers aren't around and the staff couldn't find my name on the list (that's both my Christian and Chinese names).
Today's tuesday.
I should've gone through the training already, but I haven't.
Oh well. So much for the joy of working there.

Yong Xin did get me a part time job as a promoter though!
Once again, it's two weeks long and pays well :)
Ching Ting's asked me to take two more of her classes.

Maybe I'll just end up doing an assortment of short-term part-time jobs until next August. The money's always coming in at the right time. Right now I owe my dad something like $340. My paycheck from SPOC better come soon!

Very Musically Talented people

Yinkoh'a friend, Jill Marie Thomas, is the most kick-ass singer/songwriter/guitarist I know, on par with Yinkoh herself and Rachel (of Awaken the Dreamer album)!

I am so glad I asked Yinkoh if she wanted to go to Made With Love with me :) that was when she invited me to hear her friend and I am so so so so so SO glad I went! When her album's out I am so getting a copy! Loved her voice, her music, her lyrics. Even cried at the last one. Would've stayed on if not for the fact that Made With Love was going to close in 45mins.

Yinkoh herself is amazing. Just found out she plays the clarinet. That's the fourth instrument to her list, after guitar, keyboard and violin. Is she talented or is she talented? She also happens to be one of the gentlest souls I know and a very good listener. I still can't believe she's my friend. Feels like I struck lottery or something.

And Rachel has just about the sweetest-powerful voice. That's the thing - her voice is both sweet and powerful. A very nice balance. Love her songs, especially Dreamer and Till You Come.

"If I dream
Will you stop loving me and
If I dream
Would you take me as I am"
- Dreamer

"Though I
Don't think I'll ever be loved
But I believe I will be when you come
KNocking on the stubborn door of my hungry heart"
- Till You Come

Updates

Thank God for the chance to hear Mich, Jonny, Christine, Zhong Xin and Melanie share about their trip to Taiwan.
Thank God for the chance to share about my dreams and burdens with Christine.
Thank God for the wonderful night getting to know some really cool people :)
Thank God for opening my eyes to the spiritual needs in Taiwan, and even mroe so that amazing stuff He's doing over there with Wei Jie and Kai Yuan and the Liuzhangli church.
Thanks God for the ride home with Mich and Jonny.
Thank God for their prayer.
______________________________________
I am unemployed.
Woke up this morning (was it still morning or was it past noon?), watched last night's recorded episode of the Hong Kong serial as I ate breakfast, checked my mail and edited Yan Hui's essays, halfway through writing out what happened the night I was at Blujazz with Cas.
Made a date with Steph to watch SDT at UCC (haha acronyms) and made a date with Suyin.
It's already 5.30pm and I've not had lunch, not gone swimming and not cleaned my room.

Once again, I remember that I am unemployed.
I must've said that at least half a dozen times last night.
Really need to start thinking about the next one year.

This morning, my week was pretty empty.
Right now, I've 5 appointments in the next 2.5 days, and then it's youthprayer on friday evening and the rest of the weekend's going to roll right by.

Wow.
If this keeps up one year will be over and I wouldn't even have had to worry about what to do with my time.

Avelyn speaks

Avelyn thinks she is bold and rash, sometimes overly so and therefore gets under the skin of some people. But she can't help it. She loves living on the edge, including doing things like jaywalking, climbing school gates and bending as many rules as she can without getting into serious trouble.

One thing's for sure - she loves making things up as she goes.

Sometimes Avelyn wonders if she's finally sinned herself out of the reach of God, but she knows that isn't possible. No matter how screwed up life may seem at the moment, all she really cares is that she is loving God and letting that show through her daily living.

She falls, she picks herself up, and she keeps fighting.
Sometimes she gets too tired, though, and that's when she falls back into the steady and strong arms of God and simply allows herself to be.

It's tiring to always be doing things.
Sometimes, nothing more is asked of us than to be.

Avelyn is wondering why she's talking about herself in third-person speak, and also wondering if she'll ever get over her insecurities. She highly doubts it. But it can get better. At least now, she knows that she is loved.

She is thankful for friends who don't mind her weirdness and one of them particularly who lives down the road and is crazy enough to walk a mile with her at 11pm so that she can vent her frustrations and cry abit and then go for shaker fries and green tea at 24hr Mac's. She highly enjoyed the bit where they camped out at the wooden bench-like thing outside the Hong Kong cafe. She's learnt how to tie a fancy knot which has a name she can't remember. She's also hoping that her friend will get to know God someday.

If you'd like to get to know Avelyn, drop her a tag in the cbox :)