Flippers

I've a new pet.
His name is Flippers, or Flippy for short :)
He's really cute.
He promises to stand by me no matter what.
That's the cool thing about Flippers; I know He'll keep his word.
The only person who'll outlast him in keeping that is probably God.

And maybe one other.

Maybe.

The Forgiveness of Grace

"Like Helmut Thielicke, all too often I drift back into a tit-for-tat struggle that slams the door on forgiveness. Why should I make the first move? I was the one wronged. So I make no move, and cracks in the relationship appear, then widen. In time, a chasm yawns pen tha seems impossible to cross. I feel sad, but seldom do I accept the blame, Instead, I justify myself and point out the small gestures I made toward reconciliation. I keep a mental accounting of those attempts so as to defend myself if I am ever blamed for the rift. I flee from the risk of grace to the security of ungrace."
-What's So Amazing About Grace, Philip Yancey

This is it.
I'm facing the truth.
The reason why I've been feeling a barrier between me and God is beacuse I've been holding back forgiveness. I harboured all my wounds, bound up with dark thoughts of anger, of lashing out, of harsh words, the acute pain holding me back from releasing it all.

I am sorry.
Sorry for all the pain and frustration I've caused you.
But more than that, I've made my decision.
I forgive you.
Everything that you've ever done or said, and everything that you're ever going to do or say, I forgive you.
Even the wounds fresh from this morning, I have come to terms with.

I forgive you.
Because there is no other way if I desire peace in my inner world and free access to God's presence.

"The first and often the only person to be healed by forgiveness is the person who does the forgiveness...when we genuinely forgive, we set a prisoner free and then discover that the prisoner we set free was us."
- Lewis Smedes

I do not lose hope that someday, we shall look each other in the eye and know that we are friends.
The sort that have walked through storms together.

May I have this dance?

I am rather discouraged.

You watch a video of yourself dancing and realise your body proportions are all wrong, that your head's too big and your feet too small and your calves too short and your back too straight (and refuses to curve) and you're just too short!
Which affects just about everything from plies to jumps to rolling up to weight dropping and...

Ok. So now you know how I feel.

I ask, "O God, and I'm supposed to believe that I can look beautiful dancing?"
It's hard to believe sometimes.
But for all the miraculous things God's done in my life, I am compelled to believe there's a rainbow after the thunderstorm.

I wonder if I'll get to dance with Jesus in heaven.
For real.
Like the waltz or something.
Just like how Xiao Mai and Jin dance together in Gong Zhu Xiao Mei, except a million times better, cause I'll be dancing with Jesus!

Miracle rebound

You know how you sow seeds and they seem to fall unnoticed into the ground?
You water with care, but they stubbornly refuse to grow?
Exasperated, I left.
But I came back a year later, and it had started to grow.

Never underestimate the power of your life as a testimony when it's in God's hands.
For almost 2 years I thought I'd been talking to a wall.
Then one day I woke up and realised that God used all my ramblings as part of the ingredients for a miracle.

"Found love beyond all reason
You gave Your life Your all for me
And called me Yours forever
Caught in the mercy fallout
Found hope found life found all I need
You're all I need

The time has come to stand for all we believe in
So I for one am gonna give my praise to you

Today today it’s all or nothing
All the way the praise goes out to You
Yeah all the praise goes out to You
Today today I live for one thing
To give You praise in everything I do
Yeah all the praise goes out to You"

Things I'll Never Say

"...guess I'm wishing my life away
with these things I'll never say."

No, it ain't easy.
I'm not even going to pretend that it is.
But that's ok.
God rules over here, so there's nothing to fret about.
Even if it seems impossible with my own human limitations to wait that long, I know that He enables me.
I'll wait.
Cause He says you're worth it.
And because He is worth it.