We are like sinking vessels.
God came and got rid of the water.
But we got holes, and though He can make them magically disappear with the snap of His fingers, He will not.
He's going to plug those holes with us.
One by one.
Partnership.
That means we do it with Him.
And mending those holes could get tedious, frustrating and even painful.
But you have a choice.
Allow Him to work the miracle of healing in you, or continue sinking.
I choose to plug the holes.
What about you?
Sunday, September 28, 2008
I'm His Child
If I was defined as a dancer...
I am doomed.
Cause I am so not good at it.
If I was defined as a student...
I am doomed.
Cause I don't have top grades to show.
And I'm not in some prestigious institution with some prestigious scholarship.
But I am defined as my Heavenly Father's daughter.
And you know what that means?
I can't be better or worse at it.
I just am.
:)
I am doomed.
Cause I am so not good at it.
If I was defined as a student...
I am doomed.
Cause I don't have top grades to show.
And I'm not in some prestigious institution with some prestigious scholarship.
But I am defined as my Heavenly Father's daughter.
And you know what that means?
I can't be better or worse at it.
I just am.
:)
Recycled
"Don't try
to tie me down
with commitment and emotions
with a single word
I'm not that girl from yester-year
...
So if you want to come near
you gotta ask for permission
And whatever reason
you have
I'm not the one to hear
...
Speak to the Keeper of my heart
Only He knows when I should part
with the key
Only He knows when
the time is right for me
Only He knows
who is worthy"
I wrote this?
I don't even remember!
But wow how applicable :)
to tie me down
with commitment and emotions
with a single word
I'm not that girl from yester-year
...
So if you want to come near
you gotta ask for permission
And whatever reason
you have
I'm not the one to hear
...
Speak to the Keeper of my heart
Only He knows when I should part
with the key
Only He knows when
the time is right for me
Only He knows
who is worthy"
I wrote this?
I don't even remember!
But wow how applicable :)
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Someday I'm gonna fly...
This is hard.
Life is hard.
Dancing is hard.
But God is God and I am not :)
He's led me by the hand and helped me to make it through the whole of this week, which is really only 3 days, but it feels much longer cause every day's a struggle, every day's a battle.
The will against the body, the Spirit against flesh.
My ballet teacher says I've improved, but not enough.
I know it's so that I won't get complacent and slack off. Besides, it really isn't enough.
My Jesus deserves so much more.
Dancing as a career had looked impossible.
Now I'm rethinking my options.
Is it really not what God wills or is it just my narrow-mindedness closing the door?
I have such a hard time answering questions about what I want to do after I graduate.
But with Jesus, someday I'm gonna fly...
With him, I will fly.
Life is hard.
Dancing is hard.
But God is God and I am not :)
He's led me by the hand and helped me to make it through the whole of this week, which is really only 3 days, but it feels much longer cause every day's a struggle, every day's a battle.
The will against the body, the Spirit against flesh.
My ballet teacher says I've improved, but not enough.
I know it's so that I won't get complacent and slack off. Besides, it really isn't enough.
My Jesus deserves so much more.
Dancing as a career had looked impossible.
Now I'm rethinking my options.
Is it really not what God wills or is it just my narrow-mindedness closing the door?
I have such a hard time answering questions about what I want to do after I graduate.
But with Jesus, someday I'm gonna fly...
With him, I will fly.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Day of Ambivalence
What was I doing today?
I have no idea.
Neither here nor there.
That's how I spent my precious Sunday.
I woke up early, but got to service late.
Spent too much time on the computer, but spared a friend some trouble.
Stayed behind after service, but achieved no reconciliation.
Saw someone I wanted to see but also didn't want to see.
Brought an extra shirt, but not shoes and contact lenses.
Was at JPL, but didn't play.
Brought my notes, but didn't finish studying.
Wanted to eat at Swensen's, but ended up at Pastamania instead.
Needed to get home early, but went for dessert.
Somehow, I gotta believe that God can use even a rubbishy day like that.
Jesus I believe in you, even if my circumstances don't make sense.
I have no idea.
Neither here nor there.
That's how I spent my precious Sunday.
I woke up early, but got to service late.
Spent too much time on the computer, but spared a friend some trouble.
Stayed behind after service, but achieved no reconciliation.
Saw someone I wanted to see but also didn't want to see.
Brought an extra shirt, but not shoes and contact lenses.
Was at JPL, but didn't play.
Brought my notes, but didn't finish studying.
Wanted to eat at Swensen's, but ended up at Pastamania instead.
Needed to get home early, but went for dessert.
Somehow, I gotta believe that God can use even a rubbishy day like that.
Jesus I believe in you, even if my circumstances don't make sense.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
I don't really understand.
My left hip hasn't healed, and then my right hip started to hurt.
Now my right foot is twisted, and I didn't think it was anything at all until I ran for the bus and felt sharp pangs.
But I'm also getting stronger.
My a la second is more than 90 degrees and I've gone down on my side split!
More of Your grace for me, Jesus.
I don't want to stop dancing.
Even if the whole world thinks I'm no good at it, I still wanna dance with You.
Cause I know it's the damn bestest thing ever.
My left hip hasn't healed, and then my right hip started to hurt.
Now my right foot is twisted, and I didn't think it was anything at all until I ran for the bus and felt sharp pangs.
But I'm also getting stronger.
My a la second is more than 90 degrees and I've gone down on my side split!
More of Your grace for me, Jesus.
I don't want to stop dancing.
Even if the whole world thinks I'm no good at it, I still wanna dance with You.
Cause I know it's the damn bestest thing ever.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
2 Thorns and A Rose
My left hip hurts.
My right hip hurts.
I almost quit.
But I didn't.
You know what would have happened last year?
I would have danced, but inside, I would have quit, and that's half the battle lost.
Today, I found something more.
An inner strength I never knew before.
It comes from a year's training with Jesus.
Walking with Jesus.
And allowing him to be enough for me.
Allowing him to take me hand when all I really want is to sit and sulk.
To allow him to walk me even when my bruised ego is torn and tattered and wants to give up.
How am I dancing with two bad hips?
Last year, I would have said no and sat out.
This year, miraculously, I am still dancing.
Even as the teachers say things like, "you're not going to be a very good dancer even after you graduate", and things like "you need to lose weight", "you're a little too chubby", "what are you doing? that's not dancing!"
Demeaning talk? I've heard it before, all too many times.
Yes I'm still dancing.
Somewhere inside, I'm sarting to understand, for real, the difference between magic and miracles.
The quote from Evan Almighty comes, once again, to mind.
"Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?"
If someone prays to become stronger, do you think God zaps them with super muscles or does He give them the grace to train even when their bodies are not wanting to?
My right hip hurts.
I almost quit.
But I didn't.
You know what would have happened last year?
I would have danced, but inside, I would have quit, and that's half the battle lost.
Today, I found something more.
An inner strength I never knew before.
It comes from a year's training with Jesus.
Walking with Jesus.
And allowing him to be enough for me.
Allowing him to take me hand when all I really want is to sit and sulk.
To allow him to walk me even when my bruised ego is torn and tattered and wants to give up.
How am I dancing with two bad hips?
Last year, I would have said no and sat out.
This year, miraculously, I am still dancing.
Even as the teachers say things like, "you're not going to be a very good dancer even after you graduate", and things like "you need to lose weight", "you're a little too chubby", "what are you doing? that's not dancing!"
Demeaning talk? I've heard it before, all too many times.
Yes I'm still dancing.
Somewhere inside, I'm sarting to understand, for real, the difference between magic and miracles.
The quote from Evan Almighty comes, once again, to mind.
"Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?"
If someone prays to become stronger, do you think God zaps them with super muscles or does He give them the grace to train even when their bodies are not wanting to?
Iced Honey Lemon
She saw me crying and she came over.
I've never really known her, but from the first time we spoke, I felt like I've known her forever.
Kindred souls.
God places them here and there on this journey called life.
They help us when we cannot walk any longer on our own.
I am dating and I am enjoying myself.
Dating all my girlfriends is so much more fulfilling :)
Once again, I sigh.
Girlfriends - what to do without them.
I've never really known her, but from the first time we spoke, I felt like I've known her forever.
Kindred souls.
God places them here and there on this journey called life.
They help us when we cannot walk any longer on our own.
I am dating and I am enjoying myself.
Dating all my girlfriends is so much more fulfilling :)
Once again, I sigh.
Girlfriends - what to do without them.
Monday, September 8, 2008
How Do I Love Thee?
"I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! --
and if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death."
"How Do I Love Thee?" Elizabeth Barrett Browning
One day, I shall know if true love has stood the test of time.
Without this suffering, I have no sacrifice to offer, nothing to place on the altar.
King David wouldn't offer sacrifices that cost him nothing.
Neither would I.
Perhaps love chooses to remain unseen.
And there are the times,
when it should come neither in pomp nor in flare,
but in silent stealth,
creeping upon us as should an old friend.
Smiles, tears, of all my life! --
and if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death."
"How Do I Love Thee?" Elizabeth Barrett Browning
One day, I shall know if true love has stood the test of time.
Without this suffering, I have no sacrifice to offer, nothing to place on the altar.
King David wouldn't offer sacrifices that cost him nothing.
Neither would I.
Perhaps love chooses to remain unseen.
And there are the times,
when it should come neither in pomp nor in flare,
but in silent stealth,
creeping upon us as should an old friend.
Alone.
There is a path we all have to walk.
Alone.
A way no one else can go with us.
But as we walk we shall find
The sweet, lovely face of Jesus.
He will lead you gently down this path,
A place where only willing souls go,
To find the person that they are.
A tumultuous journey and yet-
Necessary nonetheless
For all seekers of the truth;
If you're a seeker of the truth.
I walk this narrow path alone.
None may come with me.
Neither friend nor family,
Nor my true love,
For it's His face I seek,
My Savior's face I seek.
I walk this narrow path alone.
Bittersweet memories,
Joy, tears and all.
Perhaps none shall ever understand
Why down this narrow path I trod.
No matter, for I walk alone.
And yet, not quite.
My Savior walks with me.
Alone.
A way no one else can go with us.
But as we walk we shall find
The sweet, lovely face of Jesus.
He will lead you gently down this path,
A place where only willing souls go,
To find the person that they are.
A tumultuous journey and yet-
Necessary nonetheless
For all seekers of the truth;
If you're a seeker of the truth.
I walk this narrow path alone.
None may come with me.
Neither friend nor family,
Nor my true love,
For it's His face I seek,
My Savior's face I seek.
I walk this narrow path alone.
Bittersweet memories,
Joy, tears and all.
Perhaps none shall ever understand
Why down this narrow path I trod.
No matter, for I walk alone.
And yet, not quite.
My Savior walks with me.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Lazy Sunday
Lost terribly at mahjong today *rawr*
But roomie was being nice to me :)
The weekends don't seem long enough.
It's sunday, once again, and I still feel drained. Like I need a major refresher.
Despite the touch from God.
Just shows it's important what you do with yourself after you receive an audience with God.
You could still potentially waste your day away.
I still have 3hrs to redeem it.
But roomie was being nice to me :)
The weekends don't seem long enough.
It's sunday, once again, and I still feel drained. Like I need a major refresher.
Despite the touch from God.
Just shows it's important what you do with yourself after you receive an audience with God.
You could still potentially waste your day away.
I still have 3hrs to redeem it.
WALL*E
I looooooove this movie!
He has a lot of heart for a robot :)
Wouldn't mind watching it again!
Yes I cried, which shouldn't be much of a surpirse.
A few trips to the cinema with me should be enough experience for anyone to know what makes me tear. If you knew me well enough, you'd even be able to predict the exact scenes I cry at.
But hey, what's the point of watching a good movie and not allowing yourself to be lost in it?
Of course, that's assuming it's a decent movie in the first place.
I am a little wary of watching certain blockbusters, thrillers and whatnot.
Some of those movies just ain't stuff you want to put into your mind.
But animations, for the time being, are safe.
Oh and, I love happily-ever-afters.
Who doesn't?
I guess it's cause we were made for a happily-ever-after in the first place (think Eden).
And we're still waiting for our happily-ever-after (think Jesus' second coming and heaven).
He couldn't come too soon.
Still stuck on saturday, the day in between death and ressurection.
He has a lot of heart for a robot :)
Wouldn't mind watching it again!
Yes I cried, which shouldn't be much of a surpirse.
A few trips to the cinema with me should be enough experience for anyone to know what makes me tear. If you knew me well enough, you'd even be able to predict the exact scenes I cry at.
But hey, what's the point of watching a good movie and not allowing yourself to be lost in it?
Of course, that's assuming it's a decent movie in the first place.
I am a little wary of watching certain blockbusters, thrillers and whatnot.
Some of those movies just ain't stuff you want to put into your mind.
But animations, for the time being, are safe.
Oh and, I love happily-ever-afters.
Who doesn't?
I guess it's cause we were made for a happily-ever-after in the first place (think Eden).
And we're still waiting for our happily-ever-after (think Jesus' second coming and heaven).
He couldn't come too soon.
Still stuck on saturday, the day in between death and ressurection.
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