The Forgiveness of Grace

"Like Helmut Thielicke, all too often I drift back into a tit-for-tat struggle that slams the door on forgiveness. Why should I make the first move? I was the one wronged. So I make no move, and cracks in the relationship appear, then widen. In time, a chasm yawns pen tha seems impossible to cross. I feel sad, but seldom do I accept the blame, Instead, I justify myself and point out the small gestures I made toward reconciliation. I keep a mental accounting of those attempts so as to defend myself if I am ever blamed for the rift. I flee from the risk of grace to the security of ungrace."
-What's So Amazing About Grace, Philip Yancey

This is it.
I'm facing the truth.
The reason why I've been feeling a barrier between me and God is beacuse I've been holding back forgiveness. I harboured all my wounds, bound up with dark thoughts of anger, of lashing out, of harsh words, the acute pain holding me back from releasing it all.

I am sorry.
Sorry for all the pain and frustration I've caused you.
But more than that, I've made my decision.
I forgive you.
Everything that you've ever done or said, and everything that you're ever going to do or say, I forgive you.
Even the wounds fresh from this morning, I have come to terms with.

I forgive you.
Because there is no other way if I desire peace in my inner world and free access to God's presence.

"The first and often the only person to be healed by forgiveness is the person who does the forgiveness...when we genuinely forgive, we set a prisoner free and then discover that the prisoner we set free was us."
- Lewis Smedes

I do not lose hope that someday, we shall look each other in the eye and know that we are friends.
The sort that have walked through storms together.