Back on Prayer

Check out what Henri Nouwen wrote on his prayer life.

"So what about my prayer life? Do I like to pray? Do I want to pray? Do I spend time praying? Frankly, the answer is no to all three questions. After sixty-three years of life and thirty-eight years of priesthood, my prayer seems dead as a rock...I have paid much attention to prayer, reading about it, writing about it, visiting monastries and houses of prayer, and guiding many people on their spiritual journeys. By now I should be full of spiritual fire, consumed by prayer. Many people think I am and speak to me as if prayer is my greatest gift and deepest desire.

The truth is that I do not feel much, if anything, when I pray. There are no warm emotions, bodily sensations, or mental visions. None of my five senses is being touhed - no specials smells, no special sounds, no special sights, no special tastes, no special movements. Whereas for a long time the Spirit acted so clearly through my flesh, now I feel nothing. I have lived with the expectation that prayer would become easier as I grow older and closer to death. But the opposite seems to be happening. The words darkness dryness seem to best describe my prayer today...

Are the darkness and the dryness of my prayer signs of God's absence, or are they signs of a presence deeper and wider than my senses can contain? Is the death of my prayer the end of my intimacy with God or the beginning of a new communion, beyond words, emotions, and bodily sensations?"

I am so grateful for the writings of these pilgrims who have gone before me.
We call them spiritual giants, but perhaps the very reason for their entitlement to such a term is that when they are alone, in those quiet, soul-searching moments, they fall to their knees before a God who is infinite and acknowledge that they are nothing more than finite human beings who are just as clueless as the next man on earth.

It helps to know that I am not alone on this journey, especially when treading places few would take the liberty to discuss publicly.

Some thoughts while reading "Reaching for the Invisible God" by Philip Yancey. A thumping good read that I would absolutely recommend.